His First
by exterminatecake
Summary: Ciel's first contract does not go as planned. Crack. Yup.


**AN: Yeah. This happened. Hope it doesn't hurt your brain too much.**

**(it's crack.)**

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><p>Gwen practically bounced out of bed, throwing her curtains open and laughing. It was only her eighth birthday that very day, but she thought she could dress herself and brush her hair. She was such a big girl now, after all!<p>

The little girl picked out her clothes for the day—all pink, of course. She brushed out her slightly raggedy brown hair and poked around her room for her glasses. Gwen finally found them resting on her dresser. After placing them on her nose (rather crookedly), she ran down the stairs full-tilt and skidded to a stop in front of the breakfast table.

"Mommy! Daddy!" she called, twirling around in her socked feet on the hardwood floors. She couldn't wait for her birthday breakfast, her parents always let her open one present with her food. Then she'd have a party with all her friends, and eat cake until she was sick, and play games on her mommy's new computer, and maybe even stay up to watch a movie!

Gwen continued running through the house, excitedly calling out her parent's names. She went through the entire house three times before she began to realize that something was wrong.

As a last resort, Gwen ventured into the basement, nervously clutching the stair rail. "M-Mommy? Daddy?" she called, fumbling for a light switch. She finally found it and turned the light on, only to see a stupid old cat calmly washing its paws in the middle of the floor. The birthday girl spitefully took a sock off and threw it at the creature. "Where is my mommy and daddy?" she yelled at it.

It stared up at her, one large sapphire eye open. "Mrew?"

She promptly burst into tears and kicked at the cat. "I-I want my mommy!"

It seemed to snort derisively before slipping through her legs and melting into the shadows.

Gwen stomped upstairs and went into the bathroom, only to find nothing there, either. Noticing a piece of paper on the floor in the middle of a pretty picture drawn with chalk (someone was going to get in trouble for that, she was sure, because she was never allowed to draw on anything but paper), she bent down and picked it up. Stumbling through the words, she finally managed to get them out, tripping over the odd syllables and long strings of consonants. After finishing, she threw the paper away in disgust. "That doesn't mean _anything_!"

She let out a sudden scream of terror as the world snapped to black around her. The little girl whirled around as she felt something brush her legs.

"So you wish to make a contract, do you?"

"Wh-what?"

There was a snort, and she saw the blue-eyed cat washing its paw. "What is it that you wish for me to do for you?"

"I just wanna find my parents," she whispered, biting her thumbnail.

"That can be arranged… with the proper payment, of course."

Her face suddenly brightened. "Oh, I have lots of money! A whole thirty dollars! My aunty Katherine gave it to me for getting all-A's in my class. I'm in second grade, you know," and here she stopped with a look of extreme pride on her face.

"Ah… that is not quite what I meant. Us demons need to… consume. We need-"

A new, older voice broke in. "Ciel, quit dillydallying around and just tell the girl that you'll eat her soul."

"Is that any way for a butler to speak to their master?" the cat asked, appearing irked for the first time since she had seen it.

"I apologize, my lord."

Gwen frowned. "What's a butt-ler?"

"It's… um…"

The older male broke in again. "It is a sort of servant who follows your every command, prepares your meals, dresses you, and takes care of the house."

She clapped gleefully. "I want a butler, too!"

The cat resumed its smooth, calm demeanor. "Yes, that may also be arranged, but on one condition. At the end, when I have fulfilled my side of the contract and found your parents, I must… well… Sebastian, tell her."

"He must consume your soul, my lady."

Gwen crinkled her face up. "What's a soul?"

There was silence.

"You do not know what a soul is?" the cat asked, appearing disturbed.

"Is it one of the myth thingies? Because my mommy always said we don't believe in that stuff, 'cause we're a-thee-ests," she grinned, apparently quite proud of herself for pronouncing 'atheist.'

"Ah… well, it doesn't matter, all you need to know is that I must consume it later."

"OK!"

"So…" the cat trailed off and seemed to bite its lip. It whispered out of the corner of its mouth, "Sebastian."

"Yes, my lord?"

"Where do I put the contract… thingy?"

"Wherever you like, my lord," the voice intoned, obviously trying not to laugh.

"Well, um… what's your name?"

"Gwen!" Gwen smiled. Introductions were her favorite! "I'm eight years old and I like My Little Pony and Pound Puppies and chocolate ice-cream and snow and my favorite thing to do is-"

"Yes, well," the cat coughed, "very nice and all, but Gwen, where would you like the contract?"

The little girl paused, confused. "Where you want to put it, I guess?"

A pause.

"Sebastian?"

"Place it in the most visible place you can think of."

Then there was a _bang_ and a flash of darkness, and Gwen was screaming in pain, clutching her neck, and then there was more darkness and the sensation of falling-

Gwen woke up.

"Glad to see you are awake, my lady," a British-sounding boy said from somewhere around the head of her bed.

"Who're you?" she asked groggily. "'Re you the cat?"

"Yes, I am, or I was, the… cat," he replied, sounding strangled.

"Whassyername?" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"What will you call me?"

Gwen tilted her head to the side. "Th' other guy there said… Ciel. 'Mma call you Ciel. Who's th' other guy 'nd where is he?"

"That would be Sebastian, my butler. He is fetching us some tea." The boy came into view, showing that he had on a formal-looking suit and an eye-patch. Gwen idly wondered if he was a pirate.

"Hate tea," she mumbled grumpily.

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><p><strong>AN: I don't even know what this is but I guess if you want me to continue in a more serious tone I will?<strong>

**I don't know. I wrote it in fifteen minutes on a lark.**

**Review? Or something?**


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